Chase

February 1993-October 2008

Chase – I’m so sorry. I can’t do this, but I can’t not do it either. You’re my best friend. You have always been my best friend – I can’t remember when you weren’t. When my heart was broken, you still loved me. When my feelings were hurt, you were there. When I’d hurt others and didn’t deserve to be loved, you still loved me. This is the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I know you’re not happy. I know you’re hurting. I know we’ve probably waited longer than we should have and that’s selfish on our part. I can’t imagine going to bed without you between us or at my feet tonight. I need to convince myself that you’d forgive me or you’d choose this if you could, but I’ll never know that for sure. I hate that I have to make this decision. I feel like an awful person and a horrible human being. You’ve been loyal and loving. You were always my comic relief when I needed it, when I was sick you’d lie beside me and comfort me. When I fell in love with Jeremy – you fell even harder. The best part of your day – every single day – was all three of us crawling into bed together, because that’s all it took to fill you with joy. Just our presence, both of us lying down and snuggling with you. Saying I love you isn’t strong enough, I can’t find the way to express it to you – people food, hugs and kisses, snuggling… None of it is enough. I can’t convince myself that you understand, that you’ve felt loved enough. I’ve done everything I can to make this day the easiest day for you that I can. I'm so sorry, Chase.